Ruby is an au pair for a family in Haarlem, a small city between the fast-paced bustle of Amsterdam and the calm Dutch seaside. As part of her au pair duties, she takes care of her host family’s two kids: their toddler, Kas, and their new baby, Mella. Our marketing lead Amanda sat down with her to have a conversation about her experience as an au pair in the Netherlands. Ruby’s au pair adventure started like many others: with the need for some change.
Why did you choose to become an au pair?
Amanda: Why did you choose to become an au pair?
Ruby: I wanted to take a gap year because I realized I finished high school, went straight into university, then went straight into working. So I hadn’t really taken a break at any point of my life. So I was quite overwhelmed with working and I was like, “Okay, I need to take some time, a breather, a gap year. So I was looking for different ways someone can take a break and probably do it in a different country.
Then did some research on being an au pair, looked at different countries and options, and yeah, Netherlands was quite a good option because of how the visa process wasn’t strenuous because it’s an agency that has to apply for you. So I think that’s how I settled on the Netherlands.
A: Oh yeah, nice. Did you know anyone already that went as an au pair to the Netherlands?
R: Yeah, not personally, but mostly on social media. There were a lot of… a couple of Kenyans who do au pair content on social media and talk about the process and stuff like that. So I just got to get more information from them.
Was it difficult to find a host family?
A: And was it difficult for you to find a host family?
R: Yeah. Not really. I just had a profile on Au Pair World. Then, putting the filters that I wanted, for the time to start and stuff like that.Then yeah, it wasn’t that hard because I reached out to like three families and got some responses and they [her current host family] were one of my many options. [laughter] Yeah. Maybe within a month or so, yeah.
What does a normal day as an au pair look like?
A: That’s really fast actually! Nice, nice. What does a normal day as an au pair look like for you? Or is every day different?
R: My days are a bit different depending on whether or not Kas is at playgroup and Mella as well. So a typical Monday is like getting Kas ready for playgroup. And giving him breakfast, getting dressed and stuff like that. Then after he leaves, it’s just laundry and cleaning up a little bit. Then I have a lot of free time until like 3:00 PM. Then I can get stuff for dinner and prepare dinner.
So on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays there’s a gap from midday till the evening where I have a lot of free time. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays [Kas] doesn’t go to play groups. So we spend a lot of time together, look for little cafes to go to meet other au pairs around there, like just keep him engaged so that he doesn’t get super bored.
A: And then how do you spend your free time on the the Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, in between?
R: During the first couple of months I was doing Dutch classes, so I was focusing on that. Then I also started taking German lessons. So my free time is mostly spent doing the language course work and also reading. Sometimes just going to the park and chilling like museums, walking around. [It’s] just a balance between trying to find some time to rest and also like exploring. Sometimes I rest and then I remember I have a couple of months left. Let me go and see something! So yeah, just a balance.
How is making friends as an au pair?
A: Do you feel like the friends that you make that are also au pairs, do they have free time at the same moment or not?
R: Yeah, it’s always like hard to find someone who you have the same exact schedule with. Like during the weekends, almost everyone is free. So that’s easy to do. But during the week, people have different schedules. So like when you find the one or two friends who share quite a similar schedule, you stick by them and you’ve made friends forever because if someone has their kids on Tuesday and you have the kids on Tuesday as well, then yeah. So it’s just finding the people who have almost a similar schedule, yes.
A: Was it hard for you to make friends or find other friends?
R: No, that was quite easy, especially because I arrived in the Netherlands and in like 2 weeks, there was a welcome training. So that was really nice – to meet people through Nina.care events and apps. So the first time you meet, I feel like it was hard the first time cause there’s an overwhelming amount of people you meet. You’re making connections but you don’t know which ones will actually last or go past the “Hi, How are you doing?” So it was hard at first but then I think WhatsApp groups have been the main source of making friends, like the au pair chats and everything. Like someone saying, “Hi, I’m in Haarlem. Do you want to meet up for coffee?” So like the first two or three months, it was a bit hard. It’s always hard finding new people in a new place. But after that, then it just became an easy thing.
A: And do you feel like you mostly make friends with people that are also from Kenya, for example? Or do you have a very international friend group.
R: I have a mix of both like I usually have different friend groups so like I have a friend group with Kenyan girls. It’s easy to relate to people from your own country when you talk about stuff and things like that. But I also have friends from South Africa, Australia, Philippines, so also through [Nina.care’s] events and through the au pair chats, just have been able to have a mix of everything, because I thought, like having just a group of Kenyan friends would be a bit of like isolating myself from the full experience of being an au pair.
Did you experience any culture shocks?
A: Yeah, but I can also imagine that it’s nice because you can really relate to each other. Did you experience any cultural shocks when you came here? I don’t know, maybe the weather, for example.
R: The weather is quite terrible [laughter] It’s quite terrible, yeah, and people keep on talking about Dutch directness? And I’m just like, “Okay, it’s not that deep.” Like, yeah, it’s not that bad. It’s just people speaking out their mind. I don’t think it’s that much of a big deal as it’s made to look. But yeah, not really. I think also there’s one: that people have bread for lunch, or [Afra’s] having bread right now! [laughter] Yeah. It’s just the difference in foods as well, but I’m with a half Kenyan family, so that’s not really an issue.
What is your childcare experience like?
A: And did you have much childcare experience already before becoming an au pair?
R: Yeah, like with the Kenyan culture, people are usually really involved with kids. Like, if you have kids in the family. My sister has a child. So I was really involved in taking care of her from when she was a baby. And also I was babysitting for my neighbors sometimes. And my grandparents in Kenya had a school so I had experience with helping out with the kids sometimes. So like I feel like throughout my life I’ve always been around… There’s always been a child to take care of. There’s always a child to take care of in Kenya in the family or something.
A: So you have quite some experience. What would you say is your favorite activity to do, like with Kas maybe?
R: I think my favorite activity with Kas is just exploring different places, like just going with him on a bus to town and walking around. And he gets to see new things. I think it’s a fun activity because I get to listen to his opinion on things and just understand what he thinks about stuff. It’s really cute when you see how innocent and how literally they take everything. So I think his favorite activity is being on the bus also because he gets really excited and he also wants to use the OV card and check in and check out, although it takes forever. But the bus drivers just let him, but I think just going to new places with him is really fun and he enjoys it as well.
A: Yeah, I think the bus is always fun with kids. And did you find it difficult in the beginning to bond with the kids or with the host family? Or was it quite easy?
R: I think it was quite easy because we had already met in Kenya and I had hung out with the kids a couple of times as well. So I wasn’t an unfamiliar person, but the first like couple of months, I think it was a bit difficult for Kas because sometimes kids obviously prefer their parents and you’re like, “Okay, what what am I going to do so that they don’t say no when I want to do something with them.”
But I feel like after getting used to it and doing more activities with them, I found that like with [Kas], FOMO works really well. When he doesn’t want to do something with you and then you’re like, “Oh wow, I’m really enjoying this,” He’s like, “What’s that?” So once you get used to the kids and learn different ways to engage and they just warm up to you naturally you. You just have to give them some time.
How did you deal with homesickness?
A: Had you ever been abroad before or was this the first time?
R: I had been but just for short periods of time. Like I hadn’t stayed longer than a month or so. So this is going to be the longest time that I’ve spent away from Kenya and from my family.
A: Yeah, super long! Did you ever struggle with homesickness?
R: Yeah, I did. Most of the time, like when I felt like that, I just speak to them about it and I also spent a lot of time talking to my family and everything. Then after a while it became routine. Like I know, like at 6:00 PM I’m going to talk to my sister. In the morning, I’m going to talk to my brother. So like, once that schedule came along, then it just became quite easier.
A: Do you have any advice for other au pairs that feel homesick?
R: I think it’s also good to have friends from your home country, and even just from everywhere. It’s good to discuss these things with your friends, have a community of people. I feel like the thing that causes homesickness the most is feeling like you’re isolated or you don’t have anyone, so once you have built a community, once you have friends, be open about how you feel because whatever you feel or whatever you think you’re going through alone, probably someone else feels the same.
Someone else is home sick and stuff like that. So, it’s good we have social media where we have ways to communicate – make an effort to communicate to your friends, your family, tell them how you feel and also build your own community here. Then it will be easier to have people here and you won’t feel so isolated and lonely.
What is it like to live with another family in the Netherlands?
A: Yeah, that’s good advice. And do you speak mostly English with the kids or also Swahili?
R: Mostly English, but also Swahili sometimes because, yeah, just a mix of both because we have this bad habit in Swahili that we also mix a lot of Swahili in English, even with English, even in Kenya. So like a mix of both sometimes.
A: And was it hard for you to get used to living with another family and get into their routine?
R: It wasn’t that hard. I hadn’t lived with other people who are not my family before, but it wasn’t that hard because they allowed me to have my own space and to have my own time to get used to the schedule so it wasn’t coming in and being told this is what you have to do.I was given that room to settle in and just do things at my own pace. So it wasn’t hard at all. And I also had my own privacy and space to do stuff. So that’s okay, yeah.
A: Yeah, that’s important. Yeah. Alright and what have you liked the best so far about living in the Netherlands?
R: I think, how systems work like just even cycles are on these bike paths. If the bus is going to come at this time, it will come at that time, even if it’s a slight delay. Like just, life works smoothly. Systems work. It’s easier. It’s not chaotic, it’s calm, like there’s just some sort of peace of mind being within a place where systems work. Yeah, because I come from a “third world country” [laughter]
A: I can imagine. The Netherlands is probably quite efficient in that sense.
R: Yes, quite efficient.
A: Nice. And do you already know what you want to do when your au pair year is over? Do you want to go back or you said you were also learning some German?
R: Yeah, planning on looking to Germany as an option when it comes to studies and their social work program. So I’ll be taking German classes and my exams, which I did so like looking into Germany as an option. Because I thought after, I’d want to go to Kenya. But I feel like I’m not done with the adventure.
A: What would you say surprised you most when you came to the Netherlands?
R: I feel like it’s how people are still able to do things even with the terrible weather. Like it could be raining so much and you’ll still see someone like, “Oh, yeah, we’re going to hang out.” Like, what do you mean going to hang out? Just stay in the house!
But yeah, people adapting to the weather and life continues. Like, it’s not going to stop a little bit because it’s raining heavily. Put on your rain pants and your raincoat and go to a cafe and meet your friends. And I think also the level of planning that people put into their daily lives like having a calendar, like scheduling to meet your family in three weeks. It’s not that scheduled in Kenya. Your friend can come and be like, “Okay, I’m here. Let’s have coffee.” But I don’t think you can do that in the Netherlands. Like, just how organized people are with their day-to-day planning.
Would you recommend the au pair program to other people?
A: No, yeah, really, like a month in advance, that’s true. And would you recommend the au pair program to other people?
R: Yeah, I would actually. First, if you love kids, and you’re looking into having a gap year or something like that, I think it’s an amazing thing to do. I’d probably recommend it at any point, let’s say if you’re just before university or after, it’s a good way to experience a new culture without the burden of having to look for a house or thinking of a financial burden. You don’t have to do all that to experience a new culture. So I feel like it’s a really cool way to meet new people, yeah. So I definitely would recommend it.
A: And did you know Nina.care through the family or had you already found it yourself?
R: I already knew about it from TikTok and people were talking about the whole process on TikTok. So when they mentioned Nina.care, I was like, “Oh yeah, I’ve been seeing a lot of people use Nina care.” Actually I had the profile of Au Pair World and Nina.care. So yeah, I had just started exploring Nina.care. Then I contacted them [the host family] on Au Pair World.
A: And how do you combine your social life with being an au pair?
R: I think it’s just with the schedule. It’s easy that way. But also on Tuesdays or Thursdays when I have the kid and I have to be an au pair. Like sometimes it’s not that fun, like when it’s just me and him. Sometimes I could get bored or something. So I think combining it by meeting other people — I could be having a coffee and he’s also having a good time playing with another kid. Or during the weekends I’m free. So that time I’m able to do other stuff, so I think just planning around my schedule has been really helpful with that.
Do you take a lot of trips as an au pair?
A: Have you made a lot of trips already on the weekends?
R: Yeah, yeah, quite. I feel like every other weekend. I’m all over the place. Like, because I got the NS weekend free cards. So like, we make a bunch of trips. Sometimes my friends and I don’t have anything to do with that city, but we’re like, OK, we’ll just go walk around, grab a snack or something. So like yeah, I have done that, and also during summer I went to Spain for a week and I’ve been to Belgium twice.
A: What would you say is your favorite city in the Netherlands?
R: I think I like Utrecht. It’s really nice because it’s a mix of modern and… also still has a… yeah, I like it, yeah.
A: Nice! And then my last question is, do you still have a bucket list of things you want to do or places you want to visit before your year ends?
R: Yeah, I do. I want to go to Maastricht because it’s really far. I don’t know. I’ve never thought of going that far, but I just want to go there. I also want to go to the Eye Museum. And just visit the small cities that I’ve never thought of going to, like Breda. Probably mispronouncing these names, but you know what I mean? Yeah, I want to [check] off most of the cities. Even if it’s a small day trip to and from. Because I’ve just gone to the major ones where everyone has been to, so the smaller places, yeah.
Ruby’s au pair experience in the Netherlands is probably as close to ideal as it can get! She has a wonderful relationship with her host family, has made many friends, and travels often. Her family seems like an ideal match that provides her with plenty of freedom and opportunities to make the most of her year in the Netherlands!